Those three little words. Depending on who says them or in which context, those words can provoke different responses in us. Sometimes we don’t want to hear those words, sometimes we expect something different. I think those three little words are so important. I am referring to “I don’t know”. I think this simple sentence can say so many things about a person. It’s often not the words we want to hear from our therapist. We go therapy most often seeking answers, wanting to be ‘cured’, to have our problems solved.
However, I think “I don’t know” is one of the most powerful sentences one can hear or say. For me it represents above all one of the most important qualities in a therapist: integrity. I think it speaks volumes about a person who is comfortable enough to admit they do not know something, has the integrity not to lie, to be truthful and honest. To be content enough with their own level of knowledge to admit when they do not know something shows confidence in their current abilities, it says to me that they are enough. I would much rather have somebody tell me they do not know something than try to pull the wool over my eyes or grab at straws trying to come up with an answer that makes them sound competent. Nobody has all the answers and that is ok. The realisation that we do not know something can be the catalyst to discovery of new knowledge or even prompt us to ask new questions, it can put us on new pathways. Nothing new would ever be discovered if nobody admitted they did not know something. I think saying “I don’t know” as well as being honest, can be liberating, it stops us having to try and “fake it” to pretend we know, when we don’t. The response “I don’t know” frees us of that certain type of stressor, the one we often put on ourselves – to always look like we know what we are doing. Human beings are fallible, we make mistakes, we are imperfect and flawed, and so is our knowledge and that’s ok. So next time you find yourself in a situation where you don’t know something but want to give an answer other than “I don’t know” perhaps wonder whether in fact I don’t know is possibly the best answer of all.